When you first encounter St. Regis resident Jack Robertson, you would never know he suffers from a speech disability. The avid fishermen and recreationist who loves to hike to alpine lakes and catch trout all summer long has found a newfound appreciation for the outdoors after losing his voice following a battle with throat cancer.
“Being in the mountains makes me feel whole. My love of fly fishing and hiking and backpacking brought me back to the Northwest, and specifically Montana,” shared Robertson.
He is originally from Spokane but spent most of his working career in law enforcement in Southern California.
“I find incredible peace standing knee deep in a mountain creek or river casting towards rising trout, or hiking to a summit to take in spectacular views of river valleys and alpine lakes.”
After relocating to Mineral County five years ago, he got connected with the church community of New Day Fellowship in St. Regis. That is where Robertson met Andy Cadman, a fellow church goer, angler, and friend who promoted the idea of creating a sign language class for other church members so that they could learn to communicate with him.
“It is very difficult to communicate with Jack while involved in activities, or out fishing. It takes time to stop and have him write out everything he wants to say,” explained Cadman.
So, he came up with a brilliant and thoughtful concept.
“We wanted to communicate better with Jack for ease in church business as the treasurer and part of the pastoral advisory council team,” Cadman said. “As well as being friends and of course to talk about fishing!”
Cadman’s wife has a niece, Leeza, who lives nearby that teaches American Sign Language, therefore it was an easy arrangement to have her come lead a class.
“This is one of the greatest acts of kindness and compassion I have ever received. I am deeply touched and feel blessed by the person who arranged this class and by my other loving brothers and sisters in Christ who commit their time to attend. I will always be indebted to their genuine kindness and care,” exclaimed Robertson.
Robertson has come a long way since he first realized something was going on with his health back in 2005.
He recalled, “I was experiencing swallowing issues that I gave little concern. I was busy on a largescale, time-consuming investigation and was more focused on getting the bad guys than my health. I noticed more and more often food was getting hanged up while swallowing, causing me to constantly clear my throat.”
The following spring while traveling for work he noticed a lump on the side of his neck.
Robertson detailed, “This lump did receive my utmost focus and concern. When I returned, I immediately saw my DEA doctor and then my primary care physician, who were both concerned and promptly referred me to an excellent ENT specialist in San Diego.”
He underwent extensive examinations, biopsies, and scans, and was promptly diagnosed with base of tongue throat cancer.
Robertson said, “The cancer had spread to lymph nodes on both sides of my neck. Starting in mid-May 2006, I received chemo & heavy doses of radiation treatments for seven weeks, which beat the tar out of me.”
By September, scans showed no signs of the cancer and he returned to work.
“It took me about a year to feel somewhat normal again and regain the 30 plus pounds I had lost during treatment,” explained Robertson.
He felt fine for several years, but in 2013 Robertson began noticing voice and speech issues and new difficulties swallowing.
He noted, “More and more often I was having bouts of aspiration pneumonia and my voice was deteriorating. Doctors soon determined the massive amounts of radiation I received for my cancer treatments had caused substantial damage to my vocal cords. The damaged vocal cords were allowing food, liquids, and acid reflux to seep into my lungs, causing ongoing bouts of aspiration pneumonia.”
It became clear that there was no medical solution to his ailment. With his swallowing difficulties, Robertson began losing weight as his voice continued to deteriorate, it also affected his breathing.
“Due to my health situation and fading voice, my remaining days in my field of work were numbered. I had dropped 48 pounds and was a shell of myself. My family and friends were shocked when they saw me and quite concerned,” he recollected. In the midst of an important investigation, Robertson was compelled to finish his case before his voice gave out completely.
His recovery persisted as he retired from the DEA and made his way to Montana. Robertson remarked, “Unfortunately, my throat continued its slippery slope after relocating to St. Regis. My voice was nearly gone and I was 100 percent reliant on my feeding tube for calories.”
It was determined that the best course of action was a laryngectomy, a removal of his vocal cords.
“It wasn’t as difficult a decision as many might think. By then, I wasn’t even using my voice and wanted and needed the benefits the operation would bring,” he admitted.
In 2017 Robertson traveled to the University of Washington Medical Center to have surgery.
He said, “My ability to breath fully returned to normal. Having the added oxygen allowed me to once again hike and backpack in higher elevations to my heart’s content.”
The operation also eliminated his sleep apnea and he was finally able to eat again with some limitations.
“Losing my voice was a gradual process over years, so it wasn’t as though I lost it in short order. Some cancer warriors are diagnosed with laryngeal cancer and then must have an emergency laryngectomy. Their plight in losing a voice so quickly is far worse than mine ever was. I was slowly being prepared for what would eventually become inevitable,” expressed Robertson.
There have been many challenges however.
He conveyed, “I greatly miss not being able to carry on a flowing conversation with family and friends. Also, I miss normal eating very much.”
With his impeded swallowing he is only able to “eat” by drinking hot liquids, such as liquified soups and coffee. That and his ability to smell is perhaps 10 percent of what it used to be.
Robertson reminisced, “There are many smells I miss, such as lilacs, perfume, pine trees, baking chocolate chip cookies. With decreased smell his taste is also greatly reduced. He added though, “I do taste coffee for whatever reason, so I am thankful for that.”
With numerous eating restrictions maintaining weight is a test.
Robertson said, “I am continually trying new foods and supplements to keep from losing weight and to eat healthy. Another significant challenge of being speechless is completing daily tasks like talking on the phone. He stated, “Some businesses have internet chat capabilities on their websites or some businesses are understanding when I have someone call on my behalf in or out of my presence. Most businesses try hard to accommodate me. Unfortunately, some businesses do not. It can be extremely frustrating when what could be resolved by a five-minute phone call can take me hours to resolve.”
But Robertson confided his greatest hardship in all of this is not having his wife by his side through this journey. He shared, “I lost her to breast cancer in 2012. Dealing with these current difficulties is nothing compared to dealing with her loss.”
And physically Robertson recognized, “I feel fortunate to have only lost speech and taste. I would prefer the loss of these over the loss of sight, hearing and touch. The loss of speech and taste does not limit me from enjoying my love of the outdoors.” For him, hiking and fly fishing with his pup, Mack, allows him to forget about his voice for a while.
He joked, “Thus far, trout seem totally uninterested by my lack of speech as I send them home learning a valuable lesson and with a complimentary lip piercing. I feel daily encouragement that these challenges are not preventing me from doing the things I love with the people I care most about.”
Another blessing he has discovered in his adversities is the depth of support and friendship he has received.
Robertson remarked, “I have experienced just how incredibly kind and patient people in general can be in dealing with someone with a speech disability. It could be easy for me to isolate myself from the world with not being able to communicate by speech, but I have neighbors, longtime friends, and my church family who have graciously gone out of their way to include me in their lives. And the people throughout Mineral County have been nothing less than wonderful.”
He has also gained valuable perspective.
“Not having a voice has made me a far better listener and more thoughtful in what I communicate. With speech, it is sometimes tempting to interrupt someone while they are talking to put forth your own opinions and thoughts. I now listen closely to what is said. I offer far less opinions, and I keep my responses measured,” said Robertson.
And part of that is by lack of alternatives. He communicates primarily by transcribing on a pocket size writing board. Without the possibility of using an electrolarynx device, writing became the means he adopted to communicate.
Robertson has experimented with various methods, including erasable marker boards, but they were a pain to tote around, and hard to clean. He progressed to legal size tablet paper; it too wasn’t an efficient option. Later he went through dozens of pocket-sized spiral notebooks. Then in early 2020, a friend introduced him to the “Boogie Board” writing tablet. He now has a pocket sized one where he can write with a stylus and then erase with a click of a button.
“Writing on my board gets the job done, but it is a cumbersome means of communication. It doesn’t have much of a flow. I have seen and admire how the deaf community can carry on a fluid conversation in real time, seemingly as quickly and effortlessly as speech. I miss fluid conversations,” Robertson confided. “I wanted to learn sign language for the possibility of having those conversations. The thing with sign language, or I guess any language, you need someone else who knows the same language to have a conversation. I do not currently have someone to communicate through sign language, but I keep learning trusting and knowing God will provide someone in time.”
This past winter he took an adult education sign language class in Missoula.
Robertson claimed, “I am no natural when it comes to learning a second language, but I have come to really enjoy it.” He even admitted, “Many people, initially me included, assume sign language is something you can learn in a few lessons, but now I am a firm believer in what I was told, it takes commitment and time to get proficient.”
That is something that Andy Cadman has learned as well. After the first sign language class held at New Day Fellowship back in May, he claimed, “As with any language, the more you use it and practice the easier it becomes. You can learn ASL with phrases and words along with the alphabet and numbers and such. Just use it as much as possible!”
With the use of a sign language App on his phone called Lingvano, Robertson studies nearly every day.
He said, “I feel I could use it on a daily basis beginning in a limited capacity, but to do so, I will need to find someone to practice with. Either someone else who is also learning or someone who already knows sign language.”
This fall, he plans to retake the adult education basics class and then progress to the intermediate sign language class.
Robertson figured, “Realistically, I know my Boogie Board writing tablet will be my primary means of communication. However, I do hope that in the future I will have people in my life I can routinely carry-on conversations with by means of sign language.”
The third week of July will tentatively be the next American Sign Language class held at New Day Fellowship, and all are welcome. To get more information or sign up, reach out through New Day’s Facebook Page.
At church most Sundays you’ll probably see Robertson talking amongst friends with his writing tablet. But when you see him raise a flat hand up in the air in a casting motion, then set the hook and reel, you know he’s telling someone about the most recent fish he’s landed.
But surprisingly, fishing wasn’t his first sign he learned.
Robertson confessed, “My first word I learned was the sign for “Love,” which is simply crossing your arms over your chest. My first sign sentence was “I love you.”
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